Why can one tone of voice make me feel like a stupid child?

So I was enjoying my day (though aggravated by the dumb stain I got on my white shirt) with my gorgeous husband and beautiful daughter. We went to see the new National Treasure (which was wonderful) and were just having fun being together then I notice I missed a call from my dad. Well I figure he is calling about the dinner I am putting on for us tomorrow (us being my little fam, my brother, my dad and step-mom, and my Bil) and confirming everything so I call him back. He teases me a bit about the fact I am making organic slow-cooker roast with veggies. Nifty right? Then he gets THE tone. The one that says I will not like what he has to say and he doesn’t really care if I like it. It never fails that this tone flashes me back to being a child and getting punished for something weird that I didn’t realize was bad until I got punished for it and to others probably wouldn’t be seen as bad at all. Now I have no problem giving in to his request, he is my Dad and if this is important to him then cool deal. It is more that he uses the tone and that it completely ruins my mood. I swear it never fails. I can be on cloud 9 and one convo with the tone and I am back to being depressed and moody and quiet. My dr says that like addicts my moods have triggers and sure I get that but how do you really combat those triggers. How do you stop years of reactions? How do you stop letting it impact you? I have yet to find the answer. It drives Joey up a wall when this happens for a few reasons. 1- He has, for over 8 years, shown me that I am a good woman, a good mom, a good wife, that I am beautiful and smart and someone to be proud of and yet with a sentence from my father that doesn’t seem to enter my head, and 2- He hates to see me upset or hurt. Seriously he reminds me of the men in a good steamy romance. Protective and possessive and very violent in both. Not violent in the sense you might think, but in the emotions that rush through his eyes, in the fierceness of his hugs and the way he braces to save me from all comers. I adore him for it because growing up there was no one who protected me like he does. I hate that there is a need for this protectiveness. I think that if he were nearby when the tone was used he would deck my father and have no regrets despite the things my father has done for us. I would probably let him in that moment with the utter despondency that pours through my mind and the complete self-bashing failure that follows it. I just want a miracle cure. I want to be able to block my emotions from responding to my father. I hate being reduced to a child. I hate the fact that I feel the need to brace myself for something bad every time I am going to be near him. I despise that I still seem to want his approval even though I am realizing I will never get it. Grrrrrr…..